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Thursday, July 11, 2013

Not very good at this

So I do not blog very much because the truth is I like having some parts of my life that stay with me.  I know that when I speak, I tend to want to be completely transparent so I am learning to not speak as much.  This is not a defense mechanism to protect myself but to be slow to speak and think about what I say.  I say this because I know all too well that words can hurt.

Time to be vulnerable...

I deeply love being able to journey with families, especially students, in a path of Christ!  I get to watch God do amazing things and get paid for it.  That's the side I love.  The side I know is worth the blood, sweat and tears but it ain't the only side of ministry.

The nails that drive are the times when failure happens and on my part or others and I typically get to hear why I deserve to be driven into.  The accuser is good at using fellow broken pieces to cut deep.  The teenagers are not the only one who fear that summer camp high will wear off when they get home. I have experienced all too well the nails waiting in the valley when I have come off the mountain.

But it is in this where the gentle voice of Jesus whispers "I know how it feels to be nailed down by the ones you love.  I know how it feels when your hand is on that hammer too.  I know how to love anyway".

This isn't another blog to shame the shortcomings of the broken believers. This blog is about how I love  Jesus because he first loved me.  This blog is about how blessed I am to get to suffer anything for the one who claimed death for me.  I wrote this blog not for your approval or amen but for a self-recognition that Jesus is more than a Savior to me.  He is Lord.  He is Ἐμμανουήλ!  He is.... and that is what I live for!  

Thank you Jesus.  I needed you to hear me be real with you today.  I need to be real with you.  I needed to be real.  I needed you.  I need.

Holy is the Father, his very name is holy.
I desire for his Kingdom to be right now
I desire his wants to be fulfilled right now
The same way it is where he dwells.
I beg to be be sustained today by what you have, its the only way
I beg you release me of the debt I placed on me through hurt..but only as much as I release others.
I beg to be shown the path of me avoid that which desires to rob me of you, free me from the evil one.
Everything is yours!!!  Forever its yours!!!! The Kingdom, the glory and Power...Its yours Forever!!!!



  1. Being on a high w/His Spirit on fire inside of you is awesome; understanding feelings of those whose spirit isn't so hot is necessary. M and I have ached at times because of that...

    I've missed your're a good example and put yourself out there. I plug along w/my blog and am 100% transparent...from one to another, thanks!

  2. I am like you in a lot of ways...I have to think about NOT talking. But being filled with the Spirit makes me want to share it. Maybe I don't share it well, but I am learning and being led every day to use those opportunities. I DO know how to feel that high and that is to use those opportunities. Tell your kids to try give that man at the intersection a few bucks (that is a high), go buy the man under the overpass a coffee and breakfast burrito (that is a high), go to several houses trying to find the owner of a lost dog (that is a high), give a lady who sells me donuts a necklace who tells me she likes mine every time I go in there (that is a high), pay for someones meal behind you in line (that is a high), tell someone you will take their shopping cart back into the store for them (that is a high), tell your cousin who does not believe she needs a Savior "May God be with you" (that was a high), write a pray for someone who has stabbed you and your family in the back (that is a high). I could go on and on, but you get the point. To maintain that 'high', do something out of the box for others often! Keep the high I see in you!!