Not very good at this

So I do not blog very much because the truth is I like having some parts of my life that stay with me.  I know that when I speak, I tend to want to be completely transparent so I am learning to not speak as much.  This is not a defense mechanism to protect myself but to be slow to speak and think about what I say.  I say this because I know all too well that words can hurt.

Time to be vulnerable...



I deeply love being able to journey with families, especially students, in a path of Christ!  I get to watch God do amazing things and get paid for it.  That's the side I love.  The side I know is worth the blood, sweat and tears but it ain't the only side of ministry.

The nails that drive are the times when failure happens and on my part or others and I typically get to hear why I deserve to be driven into.  The accuser is good at using fellow broken pieces to cut deep.  The teenagers are not the only one who fear that summer camp high will wear off when they get home. I have experienced all too well the nails waiting in the valley when I have come off the mountain.

But it is in this where the gentle voice of Jesus whispers "I know how it feels to be nailed down by the ones you love.  I know how it feels when your hand is on that hammer too.  I know how to love anyway".

This isn't another blog to shame the shortcomings of the broken believers. This blog is about how I love  Jesus because he first loved me.  This blog is about how blessed I am to get to suffer anything for the one who claimed death for me.  I wrote this blog not for your approval or amen but for a self-recognition that Jesus is more than a Savior to me.  He is Lord.  He is Ἐμμανουήλ!  He is.... and that is what I live for!  


Thank you Jesus.  I needed you to hear me be real with you today.  I need to be real with you.  I needed to be real.  I needed you.  I need.

Holy is the Father, his very name is holy.
I desire for his Kingdom to be here..like right now
I desire his wants to be fulfilled here...like right now
The same way it is where he dwells.
I beg to be be sustained today by what you have, its the only way
I beg you release me of the debt I placed on me through hurt..but only as much as I release others.
I beg to be shown the path of fruitfulness...help me avoid that which desires to rob me of you, free me from the evil one.

Everything is yours!!!  Forever its yours!!!! The Kingdom, the glory and Power...Its yours Forever!!!!

Amen!!!

Dog and Pony

I have never been a hoopla guy, never over excited by pomp and circumstance but I can see how easy it is to get wrapped up in the show.  I love the show when I can see the greater story going on behind the show but without it, my ADHD will soon move me on to something else.  

Take for instance the experience of the ballparks of Major League Baseball.  I get lost in the ballpark magical smells of fresh hot-dogs, fresh cut grass, baseball glove leather, crackerjacks, and  sweat that come together nicely.  I wish they sold that in candle form.  I am overwhelmed with cheering with every pitch for my Rangers with the thousands in attendance.  I sing loudly in the 7th inning stretch Take Me Out to The Ballgame with joy in my heart.  The fireworks on a summer night make me feel at home.  I know the player's bios and stats like we are old childhood pals.  I love the show but its only because I value the baseball story at hand.

I hate the Presidential debates because it just screams of All show!  Who really watches these things to have their deep convictions shaped or become more informed based on who can zing the other guy the best?  I hate that they tempt me to watch but quickly I become worn out by watching two grown men act so childish with such important issues at hand.  Don't believe me its all an act?  Just watch how these candidate's families come on the stage and offer such love to each other.  Pretty strange for families that supposedly are so different.  Its a show for a job title, and most of us see right through it.

The question I ask is, does God get turned off by my antics or does he see them as just a part of a greater story?  Do other people find themselves invested in me or is my life just a distasteful hoopla that people see through?  The last question does not trouble me if the first question is answered a certain way.  The trouble is for a guy that hates the hoopla so much, I sure do give a lot of it. 

I pray that my family, church, community, and others see me as a genuine guy who is telling the authentic story of Jesus through life.  I pray that the aroma I provide for those around me helps add to a great experience.

Starting Over

Not again!

The thought in my brain enters as I pick up this blog again.  I lost focus, not a new occurrence in my life.  The truth is this blog is all about the vulnerability of this child of God who keeps squirming in God's arms.  30 years old and antsy by my broken nature but I have witnessed God use this for good.

The Spirit has shown me the follower Peter to be a kindred brother to me.  We talk to much, make bold statements of faith with risky actions ALOT and get humbled when our faith does not match our mouths.  We feel uneasy in the current state of life because we long for something better when what we are looking for is right under our noses.  We are faithful and unreliable.  We are fierce and cowardice.  We are gracious and judgmental.  We are squirmy kids of a God who will not give up on us.

We pray he takes our thorn in the flesh but he knows better.  He knows that if taken away, we may not do the bold things he wants done for the kingdom.  It sounds harsh to others but Daddy knows us so well.  Visionary nomads who stumble through their faith but are never afraid to take the journey.  It burns in us.  There are moments when our passion makes us look courageous as a lion and others like Barney Fife who conveniently lost his bullet.

The gospel is that God's ability to make all things new does not depend on who we are (Rev 21:5).

If this is who I am, maybe I should learn from myself.  That is what I intend on doing.  To look at the life of Peter in the scope of God's life in him through The Christ and see what Christ is saying to me.

Like Peter, I will stumble through this but may our miscues be a light unto a greater story for the Kingdom of God!  May God bless your days through seeing God work through two fools for HIM.